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September 6, 2010

I'd Like To "Juice" Jose Canseco's Head

Hey everybody, I'd just like to make a disclaimer that because I'm back in school, I won't be able to post as frequently as I'd like to. (But don't blame me, blame the two hours of Calculus homework we're getting each night!) Anyway, here's my response to another article by Maureen Dowd called Where's the Road Beef?:

In this article by Maureen Dowd, we’re given a glimpse into the world of major league baseball via Jose Canseco’s Juiced, where behind the glitz, glam, and bobble-heads, America’s boys of summer are using terms like slump buster and road beef to describe women. What is a slump buster, you ask? “It could mean [a woman who is] big, or ugly, or a combination of both,” says Canseco, and it’s how some of our beloved hard-hitters are coping with a bad season. As former Chicago Cubs first baseman Mark Grace put it, they’ll find “the fattest, gnarliest chick” possible and (to put it lightly) use them.

I use toilet paper. I didn’t know it was acceptable to use human beings.

Dowd’s article isn’t exclusively about Canseco and friends; in the grand scheme of things it’s about archaic standards of beauty, and the stigmas overweight women face each and every day. As she points out, “TV is full of ‘Beauty and the Beast’ pairings, with fat, lazy husbands and foxy, impressive wives.” But do we ever acknowledge relationships between slender guys and larger women? No. We live in a society where women are judged by their looks and men for the size of their wallets, and heaven forbid we reveal the face of “real” women who don’t have money to shell out for liposuction, implants, or Botox - and who wouldn’t want those things, anyway.

This article hits home because I can relate to it. I’m sure a lot of women and young girls can relate to it. Feeling like an outcast, feeling like your worth is determined by your body . . . it’s an unfortunate, unavoidable reality. And even if Dowd doesn’t call us to do anything to change the mentalities of locker rooms everywhere, her last line deserves an Emmy: “One thing is for sure, though. Guys who look at fat women as ‘slump busters’ are fatheads.”