Life Lesson: Always Love Yourself First (By Natalia K.)

This article was submitted by Natalia K., a Drama major with serious passions for "theatre, acting, films, feminism, food, traveling, and Starbucks." Check her out at This is Natalia!

Whether we like it or not, we all have to go through a long list of  "firsts" in life: first kiss, first date, first "serious" relationship, first time you have sex, and the first serious breakup (which is never, ever, an easy thing to go through). But being a feminist definitely made it easier for me to make the dreaded and life-altering decision. 

I had my first serious boyfriend right at the end of high school when I was 18. I was young, naive, sheltered, and completely confused about what I wanted in life. He was an amazing first boyfriend though; he respected me, we were very compatible, and most importantly, he was always supportive of the changes I went through (the best boyfriend a feminist could ask for). 

As you can imagine, I went through major life changes when I started university. My relationship with theatre (my life-long passion and university major) drastically changed for the better, my feminist identity became much stronger (and louder!), and I simply just became an adult. However, somewhere in the past three years, I no longer felt a strong connection to my boyfriend. I knew I had to end the relationship because I was no longer madly in love with him and I had the desperate need to be on my own and live my life with my new identity. The last time I was single I was 18 and I was a completely different person back then. 

It's been a month since I broke up with him and it hasn't been easy. At times I feel guilty because he was a great guy and an amazing boyfriend, and somehow I feel that I'm causing him suffering that he does not deserve. This is a major reason why many women don't have the courage to end a relationship, because we feel that the person we share our life with does not deserve to be broken up with. As usual, women put someone else's happiness ahead of their own because that is simply the way we are conditioned. Although I really wish there was a way I could minimize his pain, I simply can't, and I cannot get back together with him for that reason either. I know too well that I am entitled to go out there and live my life. To meet new people and keep rediscovering myself in new ways because I am only 21. 

My friends have praised me for my choice because I found the courage to end the relationship. I know that many of my friends and women in general have trouble finding this courage. Well here's my advice: this is your life and you have to do what's best for you. It is sad when a relationship comes to an end but just be thankful that you got the privilege to spend a part of your life with that person. And most importantly, you may think you're doing that person a favor by staying with them, but you are actually harming them just as much as you're harming youself. Because everyone in life deserves to be loved and be happy.

I'd like to end this post with a very wise quote from Sex and the City (I know this is kind of ironic because a lot of feminists dislike this show. I personally think that this quote is amazing).

"I'm gonna say the one thing you aren't supposed to say. I love you . . .

 but I love me more." - Samantha Jones

She lived happily (and single) ever after . . .

Congratulations! You were lucky enough to win a spot on Family Feud (back when the show was still cool because Richard Karn rocked the house). You’re only a few points away from victory, and if you get this next question right you will have done enough to send the other team packing. You brace yourself, feeling your hand creep closer to the buzzer, lips tingling with the anticipation of your next answer...

“Name a movie that ends with a woman falling in love with - or perhaps marrying - the man of her dreams.”

Pfft. Forget that. You’ve already won.

Why does it seem like 99.9% of books, movies, TV shows, songs, and [insert example here] culminate with the female lead falling in love, finding a boyfriend, getting married, or some variance of the three? I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently, and popular culture seems to think a woman’s ultimate goal is to wait patiently until she's swept away by her "prince charming." And while I, too, am a huge fan of love (at least the idea of it), I don’t see why that has to be our main objective in life.

In fact, when I tried to think of a movie that didn’t end with the immensely overrated "and they (implying a man and woman) lived happily ever after," I nearly gave myself a hernia. (It wasn't until after the dizzyness wore off that my brain kindly reminded me that I had seen such a movie. Nice.)

About a month ago my parents went to Canada to celebrate their twenty-something wedding anniversary (did you know Ontario is the new City of Love?), leaving me to defend the homestead. I ended up spending the weekend with one of my best friends, and in our boredom rented a movie called Whip It on On-Demand.

Whip-It is honestly one of the best movies I’ve seen in a long, long time. It stars Ellen Page (the lovable, smart-mouthed heroine of Juno) as Bliss Cavender, a quirky misfit who, like many of us, hasn't found her niche. Bliss's mother, a mail-carrier and former beauty pageant dynamo, expects her daughter to be the same southern belle she had been in her youth, and as you can imagine this creates more than a few problems. In a classic scene of juicy rebellion, Bliss shows up to a pageant with dyed-blue hair. Aww yeah.

The theme of the movie "be your own hero" isn't exactly original, but I found myself intrigued by the subculture of roller derby women Bliss eventually finds herself connecting with (and with names like Maggie Mayhem, Smashley Simpson, Iron Maven, and Rosa Sparks, can you blame me?). These women are tough, fearless, and unique (to say the least), and the young teen is soon welcomed into their ranks as Babe Ruthless, discovering a talent - and toughness - she never knew she had.

So, why did I bring this up?

You see, Bliss eventually falls for the lead singer/guitarist of a punk rock band, Oliver. They hit it off, he's great, he's cute, we're subject to several mushy scenes of their budding relationship . . .


But when Mr. Cool leaves to go on tour things turn ugly. First, he doesn't answer Bliss's calls when she actually needs him (i.e. after storming out of her house after a particularly nasty argument with her mother). Then, in an act that would win my dad's coveted "Dumbass Award," he gets involved with a new girl, and has the audacity to give her a shirt that Bliss had given to him.


And of course, he posts this all online. Ugh.


To make a long story short, Bliss realized what a complete jerk Oliver was. Sure, she had her moments of devastation (can you blame her?), but in the end she didn't need him to realize her own happiness. She went on to kick butt, eventually becoming this insane roller derby prodigee, and that is how the movie ended. Not with a cliche kiss, or a boyfriend, or a soulmate. And definitely not with a wedding.


If you missed my point, this whole obsession with finding "prince charming" has got to stop, ladies. Love will happen in time (if that's what you really want), but tying your own happiness, worth, and sense of accomplishment to whether or not you have a boyfriend is just ridiculous. Don't you think it's time we start making our own happy endings?


Want to check out the official trailer for "Whip It"? (You're welcome.)